Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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