I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
