my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
