I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
