Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
