sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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