Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
