i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
