Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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