What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
