I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
