D3 body, D1 cock
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
