Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
