..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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