I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
