I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
