are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize