from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Randomize
