what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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