hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
