guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
