There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
