please come you make the beer taste better
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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