I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
People in love make me want to vomit
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
