The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
