can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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