woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
