i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
