i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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