my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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