the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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