His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
