he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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