3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
