You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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