Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
