Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
