I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
