Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
