How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize