'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
