Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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