i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
