Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
