Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
