If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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