no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
