Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Randomize
