Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
