Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
