Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Help. Why am I so naked?
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