just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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