is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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